Friday March 20, 2009
Mar. 20/09: Liar, liar...
Hiya. Welcome to the DNTO website.
I'm Sook-Yin Lee and I am a dirty rotten liar. And so are you!
Them's fighting words I know, but think about it. On any given day, if you were forced to take a tally, you would find, you're constantly lying! White lies, exaggerations of the truth, and sometimes you tell the blackest hole of a lie your conscience wrestles with and loses to. For instance, what did I say first thing this morning when a co-worker asked me how I was? "Fine" I said. When the truth is, I should not have eaten all that dark chocolate at midnight last night. It kept me up tossing in a fitful sweat under my sheets! When I finally fell asleep two hours before I had to wake up, I had the most horrible nightmares about people falling out windows! I mean I could have told my co-worker the sordid details of my private life drama, but the truth would have made me look like a freak. (Which I am.)
So on this week’s episode on Definitely Not the Opera, we look at all the various reasons why we lie...
Maybe you've lied to your employer before. But have you ever lied to your employer (and your girlfriend) ABOUT your employment? Mike Vardy will share the story of the biggest fib he ever told.
Plus, it turns out humans and hognose snakes lie for some of the same reasons. Tune in to find out what we have in common when I chat with evolutionary biologist, Dr. David Livingstone Smith.
And, meet the YES MEN - the notorious pranksters who have lied their way into the biggest corporations to try to topple them down.
Now I've often been accused of being an exaggerator of the truth. I can't help it. It's in my blood. I come from a long line of dramatic Cantonese women. The Lee Ladies live large. My grandma had the tallest black beehive in all of East Vancouver. And my Mom once told us that helicopters were circling the house because the authorities were spying on us. A slight exaggeration for dramatic effect, but I mean how can you be a storyteller and not stretch the truth?!
I'm going to tell you about one instance when a bold face lie definitely had it's advantages. It was two years ago, at the Toronto International Film Festival. I was standing at the end of a very long line up of people clamoring to get into a hosh posh party with a free oyster bar. Word spread down the line that the only way you could get in is if you were on the guest list. I was not on the guest list, but darn it, that wasn't going to stop me.
I stormed to the front of the line dragging my friend James. James Coppola. No relation to the maverick filmmaking clan. James's family of Coppolas hails from a line of petty criminals out of Hoboken, New Jersey. Basically what happened was, I pretended to be James' publicist and I tore a strip out of the bouncers for not letting the James Coppola, nephew of Francis Ford Coppola into the party. Their jaws dropped and the crowd parted for us like I was like Moses in the Red Sea. Once we were inside, the proud owner of the restaurant introduced himself. It turns out he took Francis Coppola and his family to dinner a few years ago and he was absolutely delighted to meet another member of the family. That night the drinks and oysters flowed freely. The owner of the restaurant phoned James the next day wanting to treat him to the best Italian meal in Toronto, but James Coppola, hung over and satiated, declined his offer.
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Previous Comments (5)
i'm going to start with the premise that most of us are 'truth seekers' and that we *hate* being lied to...
thus, if *everyone* was, as Sook-Yin put it, 'radically' honest, especially to their friends, we would actually end-up *enriching* our relationships with others - b/c people would come to *trust* us to always tell them the *truth*, no matter what the circumstances are. relationships that are built on a solid foundation of sincere honesty are ultimately more meaningful and possess a genuine depth & quality that no fair-weather friendship, based on little white lies, can even begin to compare itself to.
conversely, a relationship with a person who cannot handle 'truth' is counterfeit to begin with, b/c it's based on little white lies, half-truths or whatever cute names we ascribe to our mistruths - a lie is still a lie - which is always a rather pathetic subsitute for the truth.
when we LIE - people get HURT - moreso than if we had simply told the truth in the first place. relationships based on lies - even so-called 'white lies' - will always LIE on shaky ground.
our world is already overflowing with rotten, stinking liars... as we've been witness to lately with the Bernie Madoff's, greedy Wall Street bankers, the George Bush's, you name it... a parade of pathological, self-serving liars whose lies have done enormous damage to the world. their little white mistruths morped into grandiose, destructive lies... as tends to happen with liars in general.
so, when a friend always tells you the truth, even if it hurts, it's because your friend CARES about you enough to NOT LIE to your face. personally, i'd rather tell - and be told - unpleasant truths, because genuine honesty does not hurt nearly as much as destructive lies. a truthful friend is a reliable & trustworthy friend.
btw, i'd definitely NOT want to be a friend of your guest, Rachel Sanders... she's basically an advocate for sociopathic liars. yuck!
finally, perhaps the ONLY time it's prudent to lie would be in matters of life vs death, where someone's life is in danger, whereby lying is the only way to avoid physical harm.
francis gerard, March 21, 2009 7:08 PMThank you so much for telling us lying and deluding ourselves can be good for us. It was so helpful for me to know it is okay to lie to others for my happiness. I was very grateful to hear your woman journalist guest tell the psychological research that supports this. And your anecdote about the Cantonese not being able to help themselves from stretching the truth has only added to my admiration of them and their beautiful chldren. I should probably tell you my brother almost got into a fight with a Chinese or Vietnamese boy outside a bar the other week. Boys will be boys! He can't help it, he's part Irish.
Rose-coloured glasses are what we all need to establish goodwill between strangers, overcome stereotypes and build a positive community of responsible people. Please feel free to email me; I'd enjoy hearing from you.
Mary Capiluto
Mary Capiluto, March 21, 2009 7:08 PMPlants that Lie
Your guest didn't know if plants lie. I have one that does.
It is called the Dog Strangling Vine. This is an invasive plant alien to North America. It was brought in for its fluffy seeds as possible filler for life jackets during the war.
It is a member of the milkweed family. As we know milkweeds are the only plants that Monarch butterflies can lay their eggs on and the caterpillars feed on.
This nasty plant lures about 25% of the Monarchs in an area where they come back to breed.
The Monarchs are fooled and lay their eggs but once the caterpillers hatch and try to feed they die.
It just lures the Monarchs to it to be pollinated and has no further use for them.
It is a very nasty, invasive plant.
A good article was written by Gary Westlake of the Peterborough Examiner.
Karen
Karen Walsh, March 21, 2009 7:17 PMHow do I get a list of the music you play on your show?
V Phillips, March 21, 2009 9:16 PMHi folks,
For anyone looking for our playlists, just check the "Past Shows" section of this very website (scroll up - it's on the right). That's where we keep info on previous episodes, including our playlists. Hope that helps!
Cheers,
Joff
Joff, March 27, 2009 9:11 PM
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