NOT IN BAND

Traits my ideal boyfriend should have according to me at age 12 and 35

Hair (if he’s lost some/all that’s fine too).

AGE 12

He needs to have light-to-medium brown hair, NOT too long but also not one of those really short Army haircuts. It should be a BIT curly but not like all crazy!!

AGE 35

Hair (if he's lost some/all that's fine too)


AGE 12

Light green eyes!!!

AGE 35

Eyes


AGE 12

He should make a lot of money because he's one of these things on this list: a movie star or a doctor or a movie star who plays a doctor in the movies!!!!!!

AGE 35

Makes enough money to own sheets. Don't care how.


AGE 12

Has between 2-4 sisters so he knows about girls and he knows how to be nice to girls, has a good relationship with his mom, also he has a lot of aunts and some grandmothers and everyone's really close and they go for ice cream all together every Saturday afternoon for five hours.

AGE 35

Has known one (1) person at any point in life who could reasonably be considered "a friend"


AGE 12

Likes all the same music I like, for example: Kris Kross, Sarah McLachlan, ABBA, The Tragically Hip, Paula Abdul, Boyz II Men, that one song by Ace of Base, "Don't Turn Around" but he thinks ALL the rest of the Ace of Base songs are SO CRAP because hellooooo, they ARE. He LOVES that one song but HATES the other songs. He doesn't like ANYTHING else, no other bands, only those ones I mentioned!!!

AGE 35

Is not currently in a band


AGE 12

Is THE BEST listener, like looooooves listening to me talk about any topic, is the best listener in the whole earth, sometimes he's just like "I wish you'd start talking about literally anything and don't stop for six hours just so I can listen to you."

AGE 35

Is not currently in the midst of starting a podcast


AGE 12

Has a really nice car like only these types of cars: Toyota Camry, Lexus ES 300, BMW, OR Jaguar, also he bought it himself from working hard.

AGE 35

Metropass/All I ask is you don't own Segway


AGE 12

Is very kind to animals/rescues a minimum of one (1) animal from danger every week

AGE 35

Is not at this moment actively lighting a squirrel on fire

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About the Author

Sophie Kohn

Managing Editor

Sophie Kohn is the head writer and managing editor of CBC Comedy original editorial, a stand-up comedian in Toronto, and a graduate of Second City's Conservatory program.