HOT AIR

So into your ex-lover you have bumped whilst hot-air ballooning

What are you, friend, compatriot, and fellow balloonist, to do if in this situation you are to find yourself? Some tips shall below follow.
(Shutterstock / Denis Petrov)

Awkward, can romance be, and awkward has it indeed become, now that you have found yourself in the situation of having crossed paths with your ex-lover while you were simply out hot-air ballooning for the day.

The Montgolfier brothers themselves must have known this would one day happen from time to time—two erstwhile paramours, simply out for their daily balloon, when each other's paths they cross, and the face of each flushes red as they realize that in the gondola opposite is the individual with whom they once exchanged much more than warm airstreams.

What are you, friend, compatriot, and fellow balloonist, to do if in this situation you are to find yourself? Three tips shall follow below.

1) Giv'st them a friendly wave of the glove

Your velvet-and-leather burgundy ballooning gloves can serve much greater a purpose than merely easing the strain on your hands as you pull down on the lifting-rope to ease your glorious craft and its cheerful passengers higher into the sky.

You can also use it to swing hither and thither in the air to signal to your former inamorata or inamorato that you are pleased to see them and wish them no ill will, only happy floats.

This sort of proactive move will be appreciated by any former love (and respected by any self-respecting balloonist, who is a practitioner of the most proactive of the self-elevating arts). Simply remove both your gloves, hand one to your second, and wave it to and fro for a few seconds. Do not wait to see if the gesture has been returned—simply collect your glove from Eugene, don them both, and return to guiding the craft as you best can.

2) Deliver the firmest of knocks uponst the side of your wicker basket

The rattan boxes inside of which we self-elevators perch whilst lifting ourselves in the sweet skies are much hardier than those inhabited by our fellow balloonists a century aforenow.

For this reason, uponst the side of your basket you can quite smartly rap, to give a casual but firm expression of your comfort and indeed delight at seeing your ex-companion, whilst avoiding the showiness of a glove wave.

Two knocks shall more than suffice.

3) Shout one of the common balloonsman's phrases

You need say nothing overly familiar nor provocative to your former flame, but simply keep the situation on a genial level by sticking to some of the simple utterances often called between balloons when two pass in the sky.

  • "Hey nonny, look as we fly!"
  • "How's the air over there? Much like here, I should fear!"
  • "Up we go, and the cloud's secrets we shall know!"
  • "My balloon is my friend, we go up and then down again!"

One hopes these tips three will have helped next time you happen upon a suitor from your past as you raise your balloon to the theoretical heavens. Happy soaring, you romantics!

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.