PLEASE COME

Here's why it was not dumb for me to plan my Halloween party for November 3rd

Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you need an "early" party like everyone else. Didn’t realize you were such a sheep. Maybe you should go as a sheep. To my Halloween party. November 3rd.
(Shutterstock / Mix and Match Stu)

I've heard a lot of talk lately criticizing my decision to schedule my Halloween party for the Friday after Halloween. I've heard a lot of people say that "doesn't work" and nobody "wants to do that, it's all done by then" and that nobody's "in the mood," and you have to "do it the weekend before Halloween."

In fact, everybody has been saying that.

And now you. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were like everyone else.

Didn't realize you were such a sheep.

Hey, if you love being a sheep so much, maybe you should go as a sheep to my Halloween party. Again, it's this Friday, November 3rd. Hope you can make it.

Allow me to dispel once and for all with this fiction that I didn't know what I was doing when I planned my Halloween party for this weekend, the weekend after Halloween.

I knew exactly what I was doing.

Yes, I realize everyone has messaged me saying they aren't coming, saying that now that Halloween is done it's like the feeling you get after a teacher gives you an extension for an essay; the feeling has just past, you can't get motivated anymore.

Hey, sorry, I didn't know nobody wanted to ever celebrate Halloween in their life again after they already did it. I'll have to break that disappointing news to next year's Halloween! Because obviously you won't be celebrating that either!

Look. It'll be great. Just trust me.

As you walk to my party, your cool costume will stand out all the more because nobody else will be wearing them.

Also, no passersby will be expecting to see anyone in a costume, so they'll notice you more. They'll stare, point, and gawk. And isn't that what Halloween is all about? Staring, pointing, and gawking in the face of death?

And also laughing in the face of it. Remember that when people are laughing at you, and saying, "Ummmm it's November 3rd?!" The probably will. They definitely said it to me last year.

Actually, that's not quite true, they said, "Ummm, it's November 4th?!" Because last year the Friday after Halloween fell on November 4th.

Heck, one of these years it might turn out to be real spooky and scary, because the first Friday after Halloween might fall on a Friday the 13th. Then you won't be going around saying it's not a scary and spooky day that day, no ma'am!

And it just doesn't work to have your Halloween party before Halloween happens. It's not Halloween yet! Look, if October 31st fell on a Friday one of these years, I'd be ecstatic to hold my party that day. Boy would that ever be a thrill.

But before October 31st? How can you celebrate Halloween when it's not Halloween, when Halloween has yet to happen. That would be like having a New Year's party before midnight!

In conclusion, I believe my Halloween party will be well-attended this year. I think my decision to hold it after Halloween will be vindicated. And I'd like your help to make that happen.

Thank you mom,

Your son,

Jeremy

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