I'm putting periods after every. single. word. too. early.
As a blogger for a viral content website, I can tell you there's just one thing that bloggers like me are after, day in and day out: crafting that One. Perfect. Sentence. That. Is. Both. Evocative. And. Concise. And while we often use one simple trick to drive a point home, what I found out next shocked me: I've been putting a period after Every. Single. Word. Way. Too. Early. In. My. Sentences. Thus. All. But. Negating. The. Intended. Dramatic. Effect.
Hey, I love what I do. Finding the web's most buzzworthy clips, tweets and posts and blogging about them? Best. Job. Ever. In. My. Modest. But. Varied. History. Of. Post-collegiate. Employment. And when it comes to making important sentences sound like they are being spoken slowly out loud by somebody who REALLY means them, I thought I was doing a pretty great job. But when I showed my last batch of articles to my editor, she made it clear that the way I was doing things Would. Not. Stand. Because. Diminishing. Returns. Kick. In. After. Three. Periods. And. The. Sentence. Becomes. Not. Only. Harder. To. Imagine. Being. Spoken. But. Harder. To. Read.
Well, what can I say? Mind. Blown. At. The. Realization. That. I. Had. Been. Using. This. Convention. Improperly. For. So. Long. Without. Knowing. Any. Better. And. Not. Only. That. But. Had. Been. So. Baselessly. Self-satisfied. For. Doing. So!
Don't believe me? Scroll down to see three of my recent headlines that I guarantee will make you say: "Just. No. Words." Which. Is. Ironic. Because. The. Crux. Of. My. Editor's. Complaints. Is. - As. You'll. Recall. - An. EXCESS. Of. Words:
"They said she couldn't wear a tuxedo to the prom. Her response? Oh. My. God. It. Was. A. Pretty. Poignant. Response. And. One. That. I. Hope. Succeeds. In. Changing. The. Minds. Of. The. People. Who. Made. That. Decision."
"These kittens hiding under baseball caps are So. Freaking. Adorable. That. You'll. Be. Compelled. To. Show. Them. To. Friends. And. Family. Despite. The. Fact. That. These. Scenarios. Are. Clearly Staged."
"Hear what Obama said about Donald Trump: Mic. Dropped. By. President. Barack. Obama. Metaphorically. Speaking. (The. Mic. Was. Actually. Attached. To. The. Lectern.)"
What do YOU think? Should I have been put on "work probation"? Let us know* ** in the comments below!
*Let my editor know
**That I should not have