EMBARRASSING! Polyamorous group get each other same Medieval Times Groupon for Valentine's Day
TORONTO, ON—Valentine's day is supposed to be a chance for loved ones to celebrate their relationship with a simple gesture. Unfortunately, for a group of young adults who all live together in a consensual arrangement in which they share sexual partners through a series of agreed upon rules and conditions, things got a little messy this year.
Chloe, Nick, Terrance, Ali, Jen, Rory, Sam, Chantelle, Tom, Other Tom, Sophia, Sofia, Sofiya, Sofiah, and Kyle all received 14 gift certificates each for a group of 15 of your very close friends for a night of swordplay and mass-produced chicken breasts.
"As soon as I opened my card from Tom, I laughed," said Other Tom. "I mean, how embarrassing, right? Then we kept opening cards and realized we all got each other the same Groupon. It's just ridiculous."
"Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Medieval Times. Did you know most Kings and Queens would have many sexual partners outside of the throne? They get it, man."
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This isn't the first time the group has had a difficult time getting each other gifts for Valentine's Day.
"I remember last year I completely forgot about V-day. I went to Shoppers Drug Mart to get everyone something and I rant into Chloe, Nick, Terrance, Ali, Jen, Rory, Sam, Chantelle, Tom, Other Tom, Sophia, Sofia, Sofiya, and Kyle," said Sofiah as she held hands with Sophia and Sofiya while sitting on Sofia's lap. "What are the chances?"
"Two years ago I got everyone everyone a gift card for the movies," said Chloe. "I saw Birdman six times. I can't look at Michael Keaton's face anymore."
"I swear, if they sit us in the Green section one more time I am going to lose it. Dear Lord, the Green Knight is useless."- Rory
"It can be exhausting. What are you suppose to give to everyone who already has everyone they need?"
The group only has a limited amount of time to see the Medieval Times show 225 times.
"The Groupons expire in six days and none of us can get our money back," said Rory. "I swear, if they sit us in the Green section one more time I am going to lose it. Dear Lord, the Green Knight is useless."
And the group has already run into additional challenges with the plan.
"There was a mixup during the second show today with our seating. Chantelle and Tom had to sit together without the rest of us. Just the two of them? Together? Brutal."
Don't fret, though: the group has other plans as well.
"We're going to bang. A lot."
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