Canada signs unrestricted free agent Obama to the Liberals
OTTAWA, ON—On Wednesday, The Liberal Party of Canada announced that it has signed unrestricted political free agent Barack Obama to a four-year deal with the House of Commons.
Obama, a left-leaning American legislator who reportedly piqued the interest of several other liberal democracies, was recently released from his responsibilities by Washington after their November presidential draft.
Signed as a rookie in 2008, Obama scored somewhat fewer victories than many scouts had predicted, but he remained a fan favourite and will be remembered for breaking the colour barrier in American presidential politics several generations after Jackie Robinson did the same for baseball.
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"I'm excited about signing in Canada," Obama told reporters at a press conference held in a side room at the Chateau Laurier. "The Liberals have a great team and I'm looking forward to going out there and giving 110%. I was surprised to see that guy with the mace, though. What's that all about?"
Expected to join the cabinet as the President of the Treasury Board, Obama will hold a position significantly less glamorous than his former role in Washington, but after eight bruising years in one of the most competitive leagues in world politics, many suspect that Obama was attracted to Canada's more civilized approach to public service and the relative scarcity of pitchfork-wielding racists in this country's political system.
"Barack Obama brings an incredible amount of experience and a battle-tested political mettle to his new role in the Liberal cabinet," said Prime Minister Trudeau during Obama's introduction to the Canadian press. "We do things differently up here, and if I catch anybody bullying him I will personally shame them in a very, very pointed subtweet."
"It's a smaller market than I'm used to," Obama later explained, "but I understand that the fans here are ready for a championship after some really rough years under this Stephen guy I keep hearing about."
Obama will have to adjust to a very different playing field north of the border, defending the Liberals from the attacks of three teams at the same time and deferring to a rulebook based on the British version of the game that includes some unfamiliar terms.
"My old teammate Joe Biden keeps texting me to ask if I like being in Justin's caucus," Obama laughs.
It was reported that Obama was to make his House of Commons debut when it resumes this week, but at press time he was having difficulty obtaining a parliamentary ID card because of discrepancies on his Hawaiian birth certificate.
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