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American confused that he cannot recreate ketchup chips with ketchup and chips

Some things are more than the sum of their parts.
(Shutterstock / SerdyukPhotograph)

Some things are more than the sum of their parts and today, Nolan Covington of Dallas, Texas has found that out the hard way.

Below, you can read a transcript, obtained by CBC Comedy, of a Skype conversation between Nolan and one of his Canadian friends on the subject of that elusive Canadian flavour: ketchup chips.

SARAH: Sorry again I haven't been able to send you any ketchup chips like you asked.

NOLAN: That's okay. Would definitely love to try them sometime, though. That bagged milk was crazy!

SARAH: It's just, each time I get my hands on a bag of the chips, I just eat it. Right away.

NOLAN: Man, they must be great! Yeah, I get that. I gave up on you eventually, just like I did with the poutine-sending, and I'm trying to just make some myself.

SARAH: The poutine tasted really good.

NOLAN: I can only imagine. I mean, you could have gotten two, but hey. It's cool.

SARAH: I did get two. I ate both.

NOLAN: Anyway. Making my own ketchup chips. Talk me through it. So I bought some ketchup.

SARAH: There's your first mistake.

NOLAN: … they're called ketchup chips.

SARAH: Enh.

NOLAN: No?

SARAH: You ever had grape candy? You ever had orange pop? It's that kind of relationship to the original thing.

NOLAN: But ketchup is already a highly processed product of an actual tomato.

SARAH: Process that 50 more times.

NOLAN: So what do I add?

SARAH: A little salt, a little vinegar, and whatever is crusted beneath the lid of your ketchup bottle. Find a really old one, because that new bottle won't do you.

NOLAN: O… kay. Great! And then I've got some plain Ruffles, so I'll just spread that mixture on them.

SARAH: Hahahahahaha

NOLAN: What? Is everything okay?

SARAH: Oh, nothing, was just laughing at your joke. I thought you said you got plain Ruffles potato chips.

NOLAN: I did. I couldn't find the plain flat ones. But I mean, they're plain. So they'll taste the same.

SARAH: I mean, I don't know how to convey to you how wrong you are there so I'm just going to leave it there.

NOLAN: Okay. Well just send me a bag?

SARAH: Okay. I'll send you this one.

*sound of polyethylene tearing*

SARAH (cont): I'll send you the next one.

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About the Author

Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.