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"Stalled on the Road to Falcon Lake" by Herb Bjarnason

Herb Bjarnason made the shortlist for the Shakespeare Selfie competition in the 19+ category. Congratulations Herb!

Here is his present-day soliloquy for Caliban from The Tempest.

"Stalled on the Road to Falcon Lake" 
By Herb Bjarnason

Stupid car! K-Car! Knowest not thy name? Reliant! Reliant! Reliant thou art! Reliant thou shoulds't be! Reliant! Thou fraud! Thou insolent baggage of nuts and bolts! Supposedly dependent and reliable! A boon to all travellers, not a fraudulent imposter of vacationers' dreams!

Stranded am I! Fie on thee, false Reliant! Thy bloated engine spews more steam than Etna. O' that I had a falcon, a Ford Falcon, that I could soar o'er the heavens to that Falcon of a lake! My misshapen body, bloated and ulcerous, fishlike, bodes no good. 'Twill frighten do-gooders, as it should. My sluttish whelping is God's curse! Dreams may help! The air is full of enticing whispers. I dream, daydream! Dreams of riches! I'm driving a Mercedes convertible, top down, waving to the nubile maidens, all hungering for my sensuous caress. A progeny of Calibans, the fruit of my loins, ensues! Can heaven be this sweet?

Reliant! I will worship thee! I will kiss thy potent gas pedal to make thy bowels roar and speed me to my destination. I will caress thy steering wheel lovingly, polish thy silvery skin with the finest wax, and blacken thy tires with an ebony lustre, if only you will start and propel me to the fishing lake of Falcon!

Some say I smell of fish, fishy, stinky - yes, I fish, I catch fish, I fillet fish, I eat fish, ergo I should reek of fish! 

Ah, the salvation of flashing lights! A towtruck! Falcon! Here we come! 

The winner of the Shakespeare Selfie competition will be announced on Friday, May 16.


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