BloodLines

Valentines BloodLines: An explosive date

In this hilarious true story by Christine L, received as part of our BloodLines writing competition, a trip down Lover's Lane comes to a very surprising conclusion. 

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"Grandparents on a Date" by Christine L

My grandparents started dating in the late 1920s. My grandmother, Thelma, was 22 and living in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. One day in June, she and her friend Reta went across the bridge to Calais, Maine to see the circus parade. 

Reta and Thelma were standing in front of the Five and Ten Store, when two men in gray coveralls cruised by in their car. The driver had a dirty face. He called to Reta: “Who's your friend?”

Reta just waved at him. “Who's that?” asked Thelma.

“That’s Harry Lovelace from Rollingdam. He’s the new grease monkey at Stewart and McRay’s Service Station.”

Thelma had a job with the New Brunswick Telephone Company as a night operator. That evening she took up her position at the switchboard. Around eleven o’clock the light came on under jack 146. She knew it was Stewart-McKay’s Service Station. She also knew that it closed at ten, so she had a very good idea who would be on the line.  

“Operator. May I have the number please?”  

A male voice responded:  “I saw you in Calais this morning. You’re kind of cute.”  Thelma was busy and had to say: “I’m sorry, I have to look after long-distance calls. Good-bye.”  But when Thelma emerged from the office at the end of her shift, guess who was sitting in front of the telephone office waiting for her? Harry Lovelace, with a clean face and a big smile. Thelma allowed Harry to drive her home, and he asked for another date.

This time he showed up dressed in his best. They went to Todd’s Point, a beautiful spot on the St. Croix River, also known as Lover's Lane. The evening went by all too quickly, but it was long enough for Harry to tell Thelma he was an only child, he had been born in Dorchester, Massachusetts and had come to Canada when he was five, and he had very little sense of smell due to an injury he suffered as a child.

On Thelma's birthday, she and Harry went for dinner at Burns' Restaurant and then drove up to Lover's Lane. As they sat, Thelma took a pain in her stomach. 

What was she to do? The pain was getting worse, and she couldn't very well fart in front of this handsome new beau!  But if she didn't do it soon, she felt she was going to die. Subtly, she raised up her right side and released the built-up gas.

Harry, looking surprised and amazed, exclaimed: “Woman! Did you just crap yerself?”

Thoroughly embarrassed, Thelma blustered: “I thought you said you couldn't smell!”

“A blind man could have felt that with his cane!”

Although the bench seat of the car had transmitted the force of the explosion, it did not turn Harry off, but made him love her better, and the story made them, and their family, laugh through 60 years of marriage.




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