First aired on Day 6 14/09/13

In her 2002 book Queen Bees and Wannabes, Rosalind Wiseman advised parents on how to help their teenage daughters navigate cliques, boys and other trappings of adolescence. The book became a bestseller, and was adapted into the film Mean Girls. Now Wiseman is back with a new book, Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World. She collaborated with more than 200 teenage boys in order to understand the pressures facing them today, and to explain to parents the best ways to communicate with them. Wiseman talked to Brent Bambury about her new book on Day 6.

According to Wiseman, there are just as many pressures put on young boys as there are on girls. However the way these pressures manifest is very different. She said boys suffer because they don't get as much positive reinforcement as girls. While young girls repeatedly get positive messages that say they can accomplish anything and change the world, "in contrary, boys don't get that, they really don't," she said.

She went on to explain that these pressures are often hidden and therefore harder to address. "I don't think we challenge the culture of boy culture because we don't see it," Wiseman said. 

In Masterminds and Wingmen, Wiseman doesn't shy away from the taboos of boy culture. When Bambury asked about the culture of secrecy when it comes to boys witnessing sexual assault and staying mum, Wiseman offered some context from her research. 

She found when boys are growing up there are group dynamics just as there are with girls and everyone has a role within that group dynamic. Boys learn at a young age that you "don't confront the person who has a higher social power than you because you will be ostracized from the group." So when one member of the group takes things too far, no one says anything.

Wiseman also blames parents. Parents rarely talk to their young boys about sexual assault because no one wants to believe that their child could do such a thing. She said the problem with this is that when something happens, boys don't have the language and education to stop anything.

And last, Wiseman explained that the lead-up to these horrific events is often pretty normal. All it takes is one boy who believes it is his right to do what he wants and a girl who is vulnerable: "the mechanisms are in place for the other boys to say nothing when that is happening."

Wiseman puts the pressure on the parents to affect change. "One of the things that is really important to me is that we go beyond the sound bites with kids." She said it's important for parents to give their kids the words and techniques to address the most important person in the room and get them to back down from what they are doing.

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