How to make someone fall in love with you


First aired on How to Do It (13/8/13)

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What's the secret to getting someone to fall in love with you? Chemistry, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says. But according to Fisher, the author of books like Why Him? Why Her? and Why We Love?, this chemistry is not the vague romantic notion of mutual attraction between two people. It's about the levels of relevant chemicals produced by your brain.

Love is linked to dopamine levels in your brain -- and the quickest way to up someone's dopamine (and therefore have them fall in love with your more quickly) is by getting them into bed as soon as you can. "When you actually have sex with somebody, any kind of stimulation of the genitals at all drives up the dopamine system in the brain," Fisher said. "As you are making love to somebody and driving up the dopamine system you can possibly go over that threshold and push them into falling in love with you." And if you make them orgasm, your chances at true love increase. Orgasms increase the level of oxytocin in the brain, which is "the chemical linked with feeling deep attachment."


However, this chemical equation won't override the importance of things like moral values or a sense of humour. They only help a potential romantic situation move forward. According to Fisher's research, "no amount of dopamine or oxytocin is going to make you fall in love with somebody you really don't like. If you don't like their values, if you don't like their personality, you're not going to fall for them, even if you go to bed with them."

Fisher also says background is an important element in a true love match. "We tend to fall in love with somebody who comes from the same socioeconomic background, same level of intelligence, same general level of good looks and someone who shares our religious and our social and our economic values."

So how do you turn a one-night stand into a life-long love affair? With caution. One night stands frequently turn into longer term arrangements, such as "hooking up" or "friends with benefits." Marriage is becoming less common and non-traditional arrangements are increasing in popularity -- and Fisher says it's easy to see why. They let you explore the long-term potential of a partner without worrying about legal or religious ramifications if the relationship doesn't work out. "I had always felt this was irresponsible but I'm beginning to see that maybe it makes sense," Fisher said. "Instead of a sign of irresponsibility, it's a sign of caution and care to find the right person."

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