By Andrea Gummo (Kingston, ON)

To begin, I do gayatri mantra every day. It has a cleansing, transformational effect when practiced. I need her to move out.

I start leaving things lying around the house. I keep my energy pathways clear with yoga, reiki, acupuncture and massage. I breathe consciously and with intention: I am alone.
 
I stop taking the garbage and recycling out. I leave food rotting in the fridge and dirty dishes in the sink. I meditate and oil the soles of my feet every night before bed. I use a neti pot with the bathroom door open, letting the warm saline pour in one nostril and out the other. Afterwards I gargle horribly.

I start inviting people over at all hours. I ask the more powerful of my friends, ones who've read The Secret and The Power of Now, to help. Together we ask the Universe to send her away.

I stop talking to her, claiming it has to do with yoga, which she doesn't understand. I organize a gayatri mantra circle and ask everyone to make change their intention for the mala. After all 108 repetitions, the air is buzzing with energy and I scoop it up by the handful, breathe it in by the lungful.

When she tells me she's been offered a job in another city, my triumph is absolute. I don't congratulate her, but I sanctimoniously tell her she should consider starting a yoga practice to help with the transition. I tell her that it can work miracles.

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