TORONTO, ON—Confusion reigned at the intersection of Queen and Ossington this morning when a group of expectant travellers who were huddled in the rain and hoping for transport eastward looked up to see a streetcar that seemed to be coming to pick them up. However, they then saw that instead of a destination, the vehicle bore the forbidding marking "Not In Service", even though it looked PRETTY IN SERVICE, I MEAN IT WAS DRIVING AND EVERYTHING.

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The assembled looked around at each other, expressing views of dissatisfaction with the events that had transpired. One man asked feebly why the car couldn't have just taken the hopeful passengers where they were going, since it was, you know, going down the EXACT ROUTE THEY WERE PLANNING TO TRAVEL, AND STREETCARS ARE TRADITIONALLY VERY USEFUL FOR MOVING LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE ALONG THE ROUTE THEY ARE PLANNING TO TRAVEL, ACTUALLY.

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The streetcar's conductor merely looked straight ahead, not even glancing to his right, almost like he was embarrassed because he realized the absurdity of driving by with 50+ empty seats on a perfectly good streetcar AS IF HE WAS TRANSPORTING A GROUP OF GHOST TOURISTS ALONG QUEEN STREET IN THE EXACT SAME MANNER HE WOULD BRING LIVING FLESH-PASSENGERS WHO WOULD BE PERFECTLY WILLING TO PAY IF HE WOULD JUST LET THEM ON THE STREETCAR THAT'S JUST DRIVING ALONG AS IT ALWAYS DOES AS FAR AS ANYONE CAN TELL.

At press time, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO END UP THE SAME PLACE I'M GOING TO END UP, WHY CAN'T I JUST GO WITH YOU.

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