Funny Stuff

Trudeau announces Canada's next election to be decided by Twitter poll



OTTAWA, ON—Prime Minister Justin Trudeau introduced legislation yesterday that will profoundly change the logistics of the next federal election: voting will take place in the form of a Twitter poll, a bold move political analysts are calling a "revolutionary approach to democracy."

In a press conference livestreamed on Periscope, Trudeau explained that the Liberal government is staying true to its promise of electoral reform while also attempting to appeal to two particularly elusive voters: youth and the deeply disgruntled.

"We want to make sure that Canadians have a stronger voice in Ottawa – a voice that hashtag-reflects and hashtag-represents them," he said awkwardly. Moments later, he tweeted "#reflect and #represent."

Derik Blais, Liberal Party spokesperson stated, "First Past the Post is antiquated. It dates back to the 12th century and has resulted in a whopping 14 false majorities. When it comes to engaging Canadians, we need to step it up." He then posed for several Instagram selfies with the Liberal Party's newest mascot: a corgi named Whigz.

Blais says the party considered many options to modernize the voting process: ranked ballots, proportional representation, mandatory voting, adding a cool background to one's Facebook profile photo, adorable Vines of kittens, and one-on-one Google Hangouts with the Prime Minister before settling on the Twitter poll as their final recommendation to parliament.

Former Liberal Party leader Stéphane Dion took to Twitter to elaborate on the decision: "#We #Feel #That #Social #Media #Has #The #Power #To #Really #Connect #With #The #Electorate." His response continued for several hours.

When asked what this meant in terms of legitimizing social media as an official and legislated mechanism to measure democracy, employees of Twitter Canada responded simply by dancing in an enormous pile of Sir Robert Bordens shouting, "Eat it, Zuckerberg!"

"The time to modernize the Canadian electoral system is now," Trudeau said as he concluded his livestream. He then instructed all Canadians to register for a Twitter account by using the mandatory 8-page T576-321.3 form that will be sent by mail across the country. Once connected with an account, Canadians are encouraged to become familiar with the new system by voting if they:

a) Liked the form

b) Loved the form