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Things That Go Pop!

Perfectly strange: Bronson Pinchot dishes Hollywood dirt

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 | 03:05 PM ET

Pinchot and his pal Mark Linn-Baker demonstrate the infamous "happy dance" on an episode of Perfect Strangers.

Hey, remember Bronson Pinchot? You know, he's the wacky dude who played goofy Cousin Balki -- he of the broad physical comedy and accent you couldn't quite place -- on the trite late-'80s sitcom Perfect Strangers. Pinchot's frenetic character added a certain je ne sais quoi to ABC's family-friendly Friday night programming.

Anyhow, turns out Pinchot's been keeping pretty busy since Perfect Strangers went off the air in 1993. According to his online CV, the guy's made cameo appearances on dozens of different sitcoms, and had a six-episode arc as one Patrick Dalton on the soap The Young & the Restless last year. But he's also put his character actorly prowess to good use on the big screen. Pinchot's had roles in a bunch of movie (most of which I've never heard of), including 2007's terrible-sounding Mr. Art Critic (in which a snotty fella learns to be a better human being).

That film may not be worth the price of popcorn, but fans of take-no-prisoners comedy should be thankful that it was made. Why? Well, in honour of the release of Mr. Art Critic on DVD, the Onion's AV Club sat down for a one-on-one chat with Mr. Pinchot. As it turns out, the man has a LOT on his mind -- and he doesn't mince words when it comes to painting unflattering portraits of some of the A-list stars he's worked with in the past.

On Tom Cruise (with whom he made Risky Business):

We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He had spent some formative time with Sean Penn—we were all very young at the time, Tom was 20, I was 23. Tom had picked up this knack of calling everyone by their character names, because that would probably make your performance better, and I don’t agree with that. I think that acting is acting, and the rest of the time, you should be you, but he called us all by our character names. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.

On Bette Midler (with whom he made The First Wives' Club):

Bette Midler was such a bitch to [director Hugh Wilson]. While he was directing, she would be rolling her eyes, pantomiming with her favorite actors, and she made it very difficult. And he was at his wit’s end. He was actually a very nice man, but she was very unkind to him on that movie. Am I not supposed to say these things? Because it is The Onion after all, the highest form of journalism. [Laughs.] I’m just kidding. One of the most freeing things about not being on a primetime sitcom that’s aimed at children is that you don’t have to edit so much.

On Denzel Washington (with whom he made Courage Under Fire):

That was a low point, because Denzel Washington was behind the incredibly cowardly bullshit of “This is my character, not me.” He was really abusive to me and everybody on that movie, and his official explanation was that his character didn’t like me, but it was a dreadful experience. I spent my salary on time with my shrink just for helping me get through it, and what that led to was the very next big movie that I did. I should have said to the producers, “You get that guy in line, or I’m out of here.” Life’s too short. ... I’ve never taken abuse again. Denzel Washington cured me forever of thinking that there is any amount of money or anything that could ever, ever make it okay to be abused. The script supervisor on that movie said it’s like watching somebody kick a puppy. He was so vile. And after that, I just would never endure it again.

To read this glorious muck-raking session in its entirety, check it out on the Onion site.

I suppose when you count Perfect Strangers as a career highlight, burning bridges in Hollywood isn't necessarily one of your chief concerns. That said, though Pinchot's gabfest may be a bit on the tawdry side, it's also a refreshing change from the pleasantly banal soundbites you hear from most celebs. When was the last time you heard a mainstream actor say something this risky in a published interview?

--Sarah Liss

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Comments

Paula

Well, there also was the comment by Christian Bale that he based his American Psycho character on Tom Cruise. And any comment about TC is risky when Bert Fields is still breathing.

Posted October 22, 2009 02:16 AM

George

Toronto

Not only are there second acts in Hollywood, there are third and fourth acts and beyond. The industry is littered with has-beens who came back. While Pinchot may be a non-entity in the entertainment business now, I doubt he's ever given up the dream of getting back to a Balki-like level of success, which makes this interview even more bold and invigorating to read. Denzel not a saint? Tell us more, Bronson.

Posted October 23, 2009 07:07 PM

Riley

Ottawa

I always liked his characters. He didn't go half-half on em. Serge in the Beverly Hills Cop movies were great. Bronson and Eddie played off each other so fluidly, I would not be surprised if the joyous look on Eddie's face was legit because he was having fun. And his character in True Romance was very well done.

I don't see this as him making waves for the sake of a comeback as much as him being honest, without the pressure of anyone watching his every word

Posted October 26, 2009 05:53 PM

Chesterfield king

I wanted some dirt on working with Christian Slater and Quentin Tarantino, that must have been some whacked out set.

Posted October 26, 2009 05:54 PM

Kyle

Guelph

Small correction here: the ritual named here as the "happy dance" was actually the "Myposian Dance of Glee". (How do I remember that and not my Social Insurance Number...?)

Posted October 26, 2009 06:11 PM

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