Feeling insecure about your romantic life? Growing more certain every day that a relationship with your cat is the only way you'll find lasting love? Take solace. Scientists report you're not alone. I mean, you are alone, but at least you're in good company. Sorry.

In what the scientific community is calling a distinctly "rare display of interspecies mating behaviour", a snow monkey has been observed attempting to mount and mate with several Sika deer. Though most of the diminutive deer shared a response safely within the WTF category (ie they bolted like a snow monkey was trying to have sex with them), one female was, in scientific terms, kind of into it. She even licked her side after the monkey dismounted which we're told is the animal kingdom equivalent of "text me" and a wink emoji. No judgment girl, it gets cold at night here too.

Scientists explain that the grabby monkey in question is very low-ranking male and not part of the troop. Rough. Class structure is big in monkey society. This guy is a bit of a fringe dweller, which is likely what forced him to think outside the box. Ultimately, limited access to female monkeys that are already spoken for lead him to challenge his comfort zones (and the, um, comfort zones of a tiny Sika deer). Mate deprivation has been known to force other species to look for love in all the wrong places. Or as my philandering Irish grandfather was fond of saying, seek out "any port in a storm". Ours is a rich family history.

On Japan's Yakushima Island, snow monkeys and Sika deer are actually BFFs. The deer eat tree fruit dropped by the monkeys and the monkeys groom the deer. Adorable. It gets better: the monkeys sometimes ride the deer. Platonically! In a platonic way. I'm guessing there was a lot of "I don't like you like that, monkey" energy from the deer before the recent romantic developments. That one particular monkey wanted, and managed to establish, a friends-with-benefits relationship is particularly rare. Or so say the scientists. Apparently, it's only the second recorded example of requited sexual relations between two distantly related species.

A little digging revealed that one creature having sex with a creature they probably shouldn't is called "misdirected mating" or "reproductive interference". Turns out the groggy lament of "what did we do last night?" is not particular to homo sapiens or this millennium - Neanderthals and humans frequently got it on - which explains a lot. Cue post-coital tristesse. And in animals, the practice is uncommon but certainly not unheard of. Elephants mount rhinos, seals mount penguins (with atrocious consequences), otters mount seals and dolphins mount everything from humans to smaller porpoises. The heart wants what the heart wants.

Call me a libertine but interspecies mating isn't wrong. There. I said it. It's just not ideal for making babies. Our star-crossed lovers, the snow monkey and Sika deer will never spawn a monkeer (deernkey?). Also, my dreams of owning a moostapus have been soundly dashed. And in my humble opinion, we're all the poorer for it.

Sometimes, nature works it out. Lions and tigers gave us ligers. Zebras and horses gave us zorses. Llamas and camels gave us camas (I'd have gone Llamels on the nomenclature there, but no matter). My god, I mean, a killer whale and a dolphin made a whalphin once! Breathtaking. Although given the aggressive tendencies of both of those guys, maybe that's not a good thing. I don't know. Isn't this what Jurassic World was about?

I'll leave this for sharper minds to suss out but it's probably better if you and your cat just stay friends. One thing is clear, Dr. Ian Malcolm was right: when the chips are down, life, uh, finds a way.

Marc Beaulieu is a writer, producer and host of the live Q&A show guyQ LIVE @AskMen.